A friend of mine says that paranoia for some is life blood for others. So simple, sweet and so true. It is deffinatly life blood for me. It has become my life.
You see, THEY are out to get me. I am risking alot just thinking about THEM. THEY know, just like Santa Claus. Sick but true, THEY know. Everybody else is dead. I can't tell you who, but it doesn't matter. You can't bring them back. Only those who don't know are alive. And, yes, me. I'm the last one to know. Of what I can't tell you. THEY've killed everybody I've spoken to. I don't talk any more. I don't do much any more but run. You see, THEY are always behind me and I've got to remain one step ahead. I've been called crazy but I'm still alive. That's my power over THEM. My life. As long as I'm alive, THEY can not do anything.
Sometimes I feel as if the knowledge is going to burst from me. Other times I feel like laying down and letting THEM catch up with me. Those times are the hardest. But I keep going because, you remeber, its my life blood.
God, I live an ironic life. Think about it. If I die, THEY win. But if I live THEY are arrested, stopped until I devulge this burden that no one else can carry. And if THEY die I have no cause and I too will expire. Because my life's blood will be taken from me. Such is the irony of life.
But I will force my self to go on and I know THEY will not stop. I pray for the day that I may pass on but I know that know one can carry the burden. The knowledge I carry eats me away from the inside out and I am already feeling physically ill. I piss red and breathe green. It's eating me from the inside out.
The colors come from my knowledge. I can see what you can not. My piss is red for me, my breath is green for only my eyes. But I am sick, I can feel as well as see it. My knowledge also helps me see THEM. You see, THEY are hard to find. Blending into the back ground, THEY follow me waiting for the moment I slip up and THEY can do me in.
The other day I almost slipped. The wind was howling and it pushed at my back. Cold clung to the air making the street icy. Scant few were on the streets as the sun finished another day. No one followed me close. THEY were there, but may be blocks back. Or so I thought. I ducked into an alley and sat down right on top of a bum. My heart leaped into my throat and I nearly choked while gasping for air. The air moved little here and soon a whole cloud of green breath clouded the space between me and the bum. He was either dead or passed out. I sat down hard against the other wall. My eye lids closed. I didn't even try to fight it.
I don't know how long I sat their but I do remember hearing those foot steps from way off. I could here them over the wind, cars and trains. They grew in size but I could not move my body. I forced my eyes open and tried to gaze back down the street. Wind clawed at my eyes stealing tears and streaking my face with them. The sound was on top of me but no one was moving down the street. I pulled back and gazed at the bum in front of me. Light began to eminate from his body. Every peice of skin exposed shed a glow that too began to grow with intensity. It began to burn my eyes.
He belonged the THEM! THEY trapped me! I leaped at the bum, or tried to. My left leg had falled asleep and I fell over myself while getting up.
Screaming at myself I finally struggled so I was straddling the bum. I grabbed him by a very fleshy neck and pounded his head against the brick behind him. The glow and the footsteps stopped abruptly.
Panting I waited for one of THEM to come around that corner. No one came. The bum didn't stir. Stupidly I peeked around the corner. Nobody was there. I tried to stand upright but my leg refused to wake up. Looking down at the bum I could just see a faint glow flickering underneath the dirt and slime. I reached to grab the sticky head and a hat tumbled by me carried by the wind.
I froze. One of THEM was there!! I looked down the alley. The back of a building closed off any retreat there. Quickly as I could I removed my jacket. Falling down to my good knee I scratched for the bum's jacket. He fell over and the jacket pulled off him. The green cloud returned as I breathed harder. Putting his foul smelling jacket was easy but my full length coat was harder for him. I think a broke one arm putting it on him.
Time for that manuever seemed ages. I expected THEM around the corner any second. Scrabbling deeping into the alley with my bad leg dragging behind me I dove into a pile of garbage.
Two of THEM came around and into the alley. I swore they saw me, but they went straight for the bum. THEY stood over him mum¬bling between THEM. The bum didn't glow any more and I think they fell for it. THEY are not very organized outside in the real world for some one who is smart. THEY took him away after tying the sleeves of my coat around him and laying him on a stretcher. I tried not to smile. I had beat THEM again. I still lived.
I waited a time and hobbled out into the street letting the wind carrying me further down the street. My left leg still felt dead and I quickly tired.
But I had won. I beat THEM again. That was yesterday, I think. My leg is still asleep. Last night my arm followed suit. It's what I know eating me from the inside out. But I won't fail. THEY won't get me. I think my good hand is going. So is the side of my face. I'm going to keep on moving, though. THEY are right behind, I know it. I'll push on, I'll live.
****
"Nurse, how's the patient today?"
"Restless, Doctor. I've had to retie him four times last night. The break in his arm is healing nicely and he refuses to wake up."
The Doctor deftly lifted an eye lid and flashed his pen light. The eye just stared blindly at the ceiling. "Hmm, still no reaction. Increase the IV drip by one tenth of a cc and drop the injection dose by half. Don't want him slipping to far out of reach. By the way, his chart says he was brought in when?"
"Three weeks, Doctor. And he was comatose when he was brought in." She handed the chart to the Doctor.
"Interesting, only beta wave activity. He asleep alright. Hmmm. The chart says he has kidney damage. Has the latest sample been checked?"
"The report is underneath Doctor."
"Oh so it is. Hmmm. Red blood cell count is mighty high. Mark him for surgery as soon as he awakens. We don't want him dying just yet, do we?"
"Yes, Doctor."
The Doctor walked to the door and turned back to the Nurse.
"He can't evade us for much longer. Let me or any of the other Doctors know as soon as he awakens."
****
I escaped.
I live.
