I lost my sight when I was 12 and sick with rheumatic fever. My parents got me Tobias, my seeing-eye dog, 6 months later. The visions started at the same time. It’s not that I can see exactly, I can sense the presence of “things”. Normally everything is “black”, but other times I get this photo negative view that melts into view. I know it not true sight because the way the images flare and fade with a ripple inducing nausea.
Tobias seems to sense my distress. While he doesn’t bark, I can feel him stiffen next to me and a few times a low growl will escape his normally professional demeanor.
I think Tobias’ distress comes on with intense emotions, because I mostly feel anger in the air. It can be so strong I can taste it, acrid and oily – coating the inside of my mouth. The first time I tasted the anger in combination with the visions, I lost my lunch. Luckily we were not on the bus that first time.
I was taking Tobias around the block from our brownstone apartment. It was my first walk with him just by ourselves. I decided to stick to the same block and not attempt a street crossing. It’s not that I didn’t trust him yet, but I didn’t trust myself. These were the streets I used to run without care – cutting across the streets where and when I decided. Being limited to the corners and dependent upon Tobias’ training was a frightening feeling – staying within “the box” was safer for the time being.
Up until then, the visions were fleeting – something that appeared to me as my brain working overdrive to activate nerves that were now dead. They would flare into view – starting as a small dot in the distance. Something like a flashlight pointed at the ground, bobbing into view. Sometimes they would stay far away and veer away, staying indistinct and amorphous. Other times they would float much closer, and I thought I could recognize features within the contrasts. I swear one time I saw a human like figure take flight when wings sprouted from their back.
The nausea was always mild and I think comes from the swirling images that wraps around and obscures the figures moving near by.
Well, we were walking down the business side of the block – basically on the opposite side from our apartment – and I started getting a vision. This one was strange because it seemed to be partially blocked by something – and was stationary. My visions have never scared me, until then they seemed more like birds visible but untouchable. So I approached boldly, hoping to get a better “look” at the image coalescing in front of me.
I don’t know how far away from the source I was, but I soon saw an appendage reach out for something. Whatever it was reaching for, it hit and there was an explosion of colors. The appendage was lost to the colors as they streamed along the path back to the main image. The colors braided themselves as they traveled and plunged into the source of the appendage.
As quickly as it started, the colors snapped off and the appendage retreated.
That was when I tasted the anger. It was electric. I could fee the hairs on my body rise up as I walked into the field. The intensity overwhelmed me, I felt so sick. My stomach knotted, the air I breathed tasted sour and foul and I immediately leaned over to puked all over my shoes.
I heard someone scream, but was too busy heaving up my lunch to notice much else. Tobias brushed up against my leg, nudging me – his harness rasping against my pants. I thought briefly someone would ask about me – but it turns out that a man nearby me had a heart attack and he obviously was the focus of everyone’s attention.
Tobias nudged me again and I looked up – staring straight into what I could only say was an evil black and white kaleidoscope. It rippled before me. A combination of harsh white and inky black that slowly switched between the two extremes flaring at the intersections and leaving an imprint on my mind that was vaguely humanoid.
Another wave of nausea crashed through me, but my stomach was empty and already knot hard. So I stood there slightly hunched over staring at some malevolent creature. Then it spoke to me.
“Malachi, you dare confront me?”
The words appeared in my head heavy and dark, I know it didn’t speak aloud to me. Even if it did, the commotion over the man in distress would have masked the conversation. I could hear and feel Tobias growl softly next to me.
A new “voice” spoke; again the words appeared in my head but this time the words that touched my consciousness were soothing almost lyrical, but I felt them masking a hidden power just below the surface. I tried to “scan” the area, but only the swirling beast was visible.
“Fallen, you touch the physical and therefore I am within the rules to stop you.”
“Hah! Interfere with me and I will destroy you. My power is greater than yours – even you can feel that. Your dead god can not protect you here he has forsaken this world and it belongs to us.”
The conversation raged within my head, the creature before me leaving concussive blasts rocking my mind with every word – attempting to drive me towards insanity just by its words alone. The unseen guardian’s voice containing the damage, stopping the harmful effects and slowly building defenses to protect against the next attacks.
As the verbal parrying ran it’s course, the defenses grew stronger and I was able to follow the end of the conversation without a bout of vertigo.
“I’m done with the parlay, Malachi. This game is over. Time for you to go, walk away or I send you along myself. It matters not to me.”
“Fallen, You have already lost. My power is not the power that will destroy you.”
New words formed slowly in my head, like a marquee scrolling messages to passersby. They were familiar but unspoken for a very long time.
Our Father, “who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy Name….”
The first two words I mouthed, the rest I spoke out loud – starting soft but building in strength. Unlike the times in church I had recited these words, I could feel the power behind them. Pulling energy down around Tobias and me. As I reached the end, the power spiked and flooded over the beast before me.
“…But deliver us from Evil. For thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and Glory for yours now and forever. Amen.”
There was a silent explosion before as the power coursing around us enveloped and consumed the beast. I giggled when I thought I heard what sounded like the Halleluiah Chorus during the crescendo before me.
Tobias leaned forward; I could hear him sniffing the air expectantly. Seemingly satisfied the strange threat was gone he barked his clipped all clear bark and pulled me away from the scene.
Thankfully, we made it around the block without further incident. I was drained physically and mentally. I think I slept until dinnertime and even went to bed early for a change.
My next “encounter” didn’t happen until months later, but several times I’ve had these confrontations multiple times a day. While exhausting, they are not as disorienting as that first time – and there are times I feel stronger afterwards.
There is war going on, and I’m now a foot solider in the small skirmishes around the periphery. I don’t know what kind of affect I’m having, but my sense of purpose is now resolute. One of these days I know I’ll encounter more than one – or an organized attack against Tobias and me. But I can’t worry about things I can’t control, one more thing loosing my eyesight has taught me.
It’s been said that when you walk with God you don’t walk alone. I’d highly recommend it, but I don’t recommend losing part of yourself to find the faith you are missing.
